INFINIDIM ENTERPRISES
Office of Corporate Communications
Sector B-12 · Cycle 503.0 · Distributed galaxy-wide via the Sub-Etha Net
Infinidim Enterprises Appoints Tricia McMillan as Chief Astrophysicist for Hyperspace Bypass Route Optimization
First scientifically-credentialed hire in the history of the Bypass Planning Division will compute the optimal corridors that keep galactic transit "compliant, expedient, and on the shortest possible path."
Infinidim Enterprises, the galaxy's premier civil-infrastructure and regulatory-compliance authority, today announced the appointment of Tricia "Trillian" McMillan, D.Phil., M.Sc. as Chief Astrophysicist within its flagship Hyperspace Bypass Engineering division, effective Cycle 503.
In the newly created role, Ms. McMillan will be responsible for plotting the optimal routes for hyperspace bypass corridors — determining, with mathematical rigor previously unavailable to the division, the single most efficient path between any two mandated transit nodes. It is the first position at Infinidim to require a graduate scientific qualification rather than a clerical grade.
"The corridor is a solved problem, not an opinion," said Ms. McMillan. "You fix the two endpoints, you minimize the action across the manifold, and the route falls out of the mathematics. My job is to do the calculation correctly. I would ask everyone to hold that sentence in mind before they read the marketing materials."
"We have hired the finest astrophysical mind in the sector, and then, at considerable additional expense, we hired a Marketing Department to explain what she does. Regrettably, the two departments have not been introduced."
— Deputy Director Gark, Head of Hyperspace Bypass Engineering
Ms. McMillan is the author of the peer-review-pending whitepaper "A Stochastic Gravitational-Geodesic Framework for the Deterministic Selection of Obstructing Planetary Bodies Along Optimized Hyperspatial Bypass Corridors." The 40-page manuscript establishes that any planet lying within a bypass clearance envelope is selected for demolition as a strict mathematical consequence of the route — and, critically, that the selection contains no free parameter for authorial preference.
For the corporate department pages, Infinidim's Marketing Department has summarized this body of work as: "She decides which planets get demolished." Asked for comment, Ms. McMillan submitted a fourteen-line correction, a diagram, and a formal request that the word "decides" be replaced with "computes." The correction has been filed in the cellar of the Alpha Centauri regional office, where it will be available for public inspection for the statutory fifty years.
Ms. McMillan joins Infinidim from a distinguished independent career in astrophysics and interstellar travel. She holds a D.Phil. in Astrophysics and an M.Sc. in Mathematics, and is understood to be one of very few members of staff capable of reading her own job description in its original form.
About Infinidim Enterprises
Infinidim Enterprises (A Megadodo Publications Subsidiary) provides galactic infrastructure, regulatory compliance, and civil demolition services under Vogon Civil Service Charter V-4192. All demolition notices are publicly displayed for the statutory 50-year period on Alpha Centauri. Don't Panic.
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