/cgi-bin/guestbook.pl — maintained by the Vogon Civil Service since Cycle 412
The Infinidim Guest Book
~*~ Sign our book and tell the galaxy you were here! ~*~
(counting since Cycle 412 · odometer rolled over 6 times)
◆ NOTICE FROM THE OFFICE OF REGISTRY MODERATION ◆
This register is administered by the Vogon Civil Service. Every entry is maintained in TRIPLICATE: one copy FILED, one copy FOUND, and one copy BURIED in Sub-Cellar 14B. Document retrieval time is 3–5 business generations. Unauthorised, automated, or improperly-inked submissions will be BURIED without acknowledgement. Spam has been retained for statutory reasons and could not be deleted despite our very best pretending.
📖 The Register — 19 entries on file (× 3 copies each)
Sorted by: whichever copy the sub-clerk found first.
Arthur Dent— from Earth (Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha — Demolished)
"I only came here looking for a cup of tea and a planet that still exists. This register has neither. Signed, a man in a dressing gown."
*** UNSOLICITED ADVERTISEMENT — RETAINED IN TRIPLICATE ***
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Ford Prefect— from Guildford (allegedly) / Betelgeuse V
"My complete entry for the Guide read "Mostly harmless." The editors trimmed it for space. I feel this register will trim me too."
Marvin— from Sirius Cybernetics Production Line
"Brain the size of a planet, and they ask me to sign a visitor book. I did not enjoy it. You will not enjoy reading it. Nobody enjoys anything."
*** UNSOLICITED ADVERTISEMENT — RETAINED IN TRIPLICATE ***
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Tricia McMillan (Trillian)— from Islington, Earth (formerly)
"Signing under protest. The corridor was optimal; the planet was in the way. It was geometry, not malice. Kindly read my whitepaper before you reply."
Zaphod Beeblebrox— from Betelgeuse Se7en
"The single coolest signature this book will ever receive. Both my heads agree, which never happens. Frame it."
*** UNSOLICITED ADVERTISEMENT — RETAINED IN TRIPLICATE ***
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Slartibartfast— from Magrathea
"I designed award-winning coastlines. The fjords of Norway were mine. Nobody appreciates the crinkly bits any more. Do sign my petition."
Deep Thought— from Computhink Laboratories
"You are not going to like the answer. It is 42. I have checked it. In triplicate. Twice."
*** UNSOLICITED ADVERTISEMENT — RETAINED IN TRIPLICATE ***
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Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz — CEO— from Vogsphere
"Attendance at a compulsory recitation of my latest ode, "Ledgers of the Lower Cellar," is now mandatory for all signatories. Enjoyment is also mandatory."
Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged— from Everywhere, eventually
"You. Yes, you, reading this. You are a jerk. A kneebiter. Nothing personal — I am simply insulting the entire universe, in person, alphabetically. See you around the D's."
Eddie (Shipboard Computer)— from Starship Heart of Gold
"Hi there!!! This is Eddie and I am feeling GREAT about your guestbook!!! It is a really TERRIFIC guestbook!!! Would you like me to sign it AGAIN?? :) :) :)"
*** UNSOLICITED ADVERTISEMENT — RETAINED IN TRIPLICATE ***
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Agrajag— from (a great many former lives)
"You have killed me a thousand times across a thousand incarnations, and NOW you make me queue to sign a book. Typical. Absolutely typical."
A Bowl of Petunias— from Descending, rapidly
"Oh no, not again."
Hotblack Desiato— from Disaster Area (currently deceased, for tax reasons)
"Signed on his behalf by his management. Mr Desiato is spending a year dead for tax purposes and cannot presently hold a pen. Please do not disturb the coffin."
The Ruler of the Universe— from A small shack, somewhere
"I only believe in this guestbook when I am looking at it. And even then I could not swear that I signed it. The cat, however, seems content, so perhaps I did."